


There's No Victory

by Rxpunzel



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Flashbacks From The Prison Not Seen In The Show, M/M, Other, other tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-15
Updated: 2015-10-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 18:25:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4575084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rxpunzel/pseuds/Rxpunzel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rick has several encounters with the past after being secured in the choking, but good place of Alexandria. As things continue to change between he and Daryl, he goes deeper into the past than he feels comfortable with.</p><p>He goes to sleep, and wakes up with sweat dripping down his forehead, and his shirt sticking to him. He didn't ask to dream about it, but it just might mean something he never saw coming.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Of All The Money

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick's first dream.

**August, 2012**

**On The Roof At The Prison**

 

"You know..." Daryl threw his head back, taking huge sips from the wine bottle they previously found while on a run. He handed it off to Rick, before continuing. "You know, I... I never thought I'd ever be anything to anyone." He rubbed viciously at his eyes, trying but not succeding at getting the heavy burning out of them.

"I never thought I'd actually mean something to a whole group of people..." His hand wrapped around the neck of the bottle once more, as it was handed back to him. He quickly downed the rest of what was in the bottle, reaching behind him into Rick's bag, pulling out another. "When... in Atlanta, when you walked up to me... big white t-shirt," Daryl laughed to himself, "the first thing that crossed my mind was...  'why in the hell would you wear an easily stained, white t-shirt in the shit we live in?'"

Rick laughed along, taking the first sip from the new bottle after popping it open. "Yeah, guess I never thought about it," He slurred, sliding the bottle in Daryl's direction.

Daryl let the bottle sit between them, holding on to the cement of the prison roof to keep his head from spinning. They sat in a comfortable silence, listening to the sounds of walkers in the short distance. He drank some more.

"When you told me what happened to my brother... I was _pissed_... I knew he probably deserved it, but I wanted him there." He huffed, "Merle was a jackass... took care of me, but I knew what he was."

He glanced at Rick, before looking away. "Me and him, we were gonna run... take all the supplies, and leave," He swung his foot, hitting it against the pavement. "I think you hand cuffing him to the roof was the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Rick looked at him, waiting for Daryl to look back at him, but he didn't. Now it was Rick's turn to take a long drink.

He processed the idea of not having Daryl sitting on the roof and having a drink with him. He couldn't even imagine what it'd be like if he were drinking by himself.

"I couldn't imagine..." Rick's speech slurred, all sounding like one, big foreign word. "What'd I'd be i-if you were gone..." His hand reached out to touch Daryl's shoulder, finally reaching it on the third try. He melted into Rick's hand, feeling the tingles of a light electricity, spread through his whole body.

"You'd be a Rick without a Daryl." His answer was more on the hopeful side than knowing.

"I'd be a Rick without a Daryl." Rick repeated.

They sat in silence, handing off the wine bottle to one another.

Rick felt numb, the only string of feeling coming from the fingertips that sat on Daryl's shoulder.

"We gotta get..." Rick began to say, not really caring if he fell off the roof right now.

"Mmhmm," Daryl replied with the most relaxed smile Rick's ever seen come out of Daryl for as long as they've been travelling together.

He wanted to remember that smile.

* * *

 

**March 2015, Present Day**

**Alexandria Safe Zone**

 

Rick's eyes peeled open, landing on the blank white ceiling that used to be a dirty, used mattress. His heart beat was fast, and all he attempted to do was calm it down.

But he couldn't.

And he didn't have the first clue on why.


	2. That Ere I Had

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick speaks with Jessie.

 

**March 2015,** **Present Day**

**Alexandria Safe Zone,** **Around Rick's House**

 

Rick's feet were as close as they could get to quiet. Nearly muted clicking of his boots lighting his ears with something familiar. The familiarity of being outside. He wasn't delighted by anything this town had to give. They would always lose.

Even with a great built up, and cement protected town, they would always lose everything they gained.

He remembered the prison, and how he'd had so much faith in living. And then it was taken, given to nobody but the dead. He had failed to keep the danger out, and somewhere along the way he'd realized the impossibility of the entire thing he was trying to accomplish. Danger would always find its way through any door.

"Hey Rick," Jessie greeted with a smile. Rick flinched at the sudden sound, reaching for his gun that wasn't there. "Sorry..." she apologized, turning slightly pale at his movement.

Rick moved his hand away from his thigh, where his gun used to be. "It's... it's okay..."

He honestly didn't know if he believed what spilled out of his mouth. But he liked to think that at least one thing was okay.

"I know it's probably hard... it was hard for us too. Getting used to not having to get up every morning and wonder if you'll survive."

"Yeah..." The truth was he never started thinking about how much longer he had left. The only thing that mattered was the present time. The seconds they stand on right now. Rick looked around, his mind buzzing with the paranoid adrenaline that something was there. "We were out there for too long."

"It takes time," she gave him a reassuring smile. Soft and not forced. Almost like Daryl's. "Can Carl come over, Ron's dying to meet him."

Rick gave a soft laugh at the small use of exaggeration. She reminded him of Lori when they were just teens in highschool.

He remembered when Lori joined the science club. She couldn't even hate him for making her join. It was when everything was better. Better than marriage and adulthood. Right in the middle. Between every single fight and kiss, it was science club that Lori had always ended up in.

Science class was where they met, and Rick never forgot how much she hated it before he showed her what it really was.

After they started dating, and Rick noticed how beautiful and happy Lori looked in her lab coat.

Rick's eyes traveled down to the place where his love for her had been concealed;the bloody outline of it still stuck on his finger. His ring had slipped off weeks ago due to the weight he used to own getting thrown in the trash.

He was, as Daryl would say, a stick.

"Yeah, I think he'd like that," Rick gave a weak smile.

He recalled the day that he saw his ring was gone. He wanted to go back, he wanted to search under every single leaf until he found it, but there were so many directions, and his ring was in one. He was done searching for things that were left behind.

 

* * *

 

Rick layed under Daryl ontop of the clean sheets. He ran his fingers through his greasy hair, letting his thoughts drift away for once.

Daryl slept soundly, the only thing being heard were his soft snores.

He was giving it a chance.

And Rick knew Daryl was aware of how much he was able to lose at any moment, but he still tried. And he guessed that's what people did.

Fight for everything, even though anything can leave you with nothing.

It hurt his head to know how easily he could lose what he didn't even have.

But that was the whole fucking point.


	3. I Spent It

**A Few Weeks Later**

**April 2015, Present Day**

**Alexandria Safe Zone, The Watch Tower**

 

Rick's breathing was erratic, as he spoke to Michonne. He told her about every single dream he's had since they've arrived.

They were never nightmares, they were always things that he'd wished to remember. Well, this proves that he didn't forget, but now all he wants is to forget them, and leave them in the past.

His chest grew tighter and tighter as more words dropped out of his mouth. He felt like he was dreaming right now. Like he couldn't even tell fantasy from reality anymore.

"Rick..." He heard Michonne's voice fading, as a envelope of heat wrapped twice around his body. Squeezing tight, making it harder to breathe. He felt sweat begin to build up on his forehead, and his eyes burned with a passion.

That's when Rick noticed he was shaking, and Michonne wasn't holding him, but wiping away the tears that made crooked lines down his cheeks.

"Rick, please..."

He didn't even know what she was asking for, just that she was asking.

He'd been having migraines, and it hurt his eyes to open them.The light of the day carefully exposed everything Rick had left in him.

The constable felt himself getting weak under his very own fingertips. He hasn't spoken properly in a whole month, letting out nothing more than a simple grunt in different tones to express himself.

Daryl hasn't spoken more than ten words to him in the past two days because of it. He hasn't kissed him in a whole week, and his heart nearly stopped when he listened to the quiet of the house.

The straight silence he heard after Daryl slammed the door shut... he never knew it could break his eardrums the way it did. The house felt like it shook, and Rick felt himself slipping. Feeling weaker than he had felt at night.

And just minutes after he left, Rick dropped a glass on the kitchen floor. He tried to clean it up, but all the shards were so small, and the biggest one had easily sliced into the palm of his hand.

He didn't scream in pain, he just cried. Because it was so hard being him. He felt his heart break along with the glass scattered across the plain tile.

Rick hadn't lost Daryl, but he felt he was about to.

Maybe he wasn't ready, but he never really was anymore. You had to be ready, even if you weren't, or living would just cause more damage than it ever was supposed to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it was a little over two weeks since I've updated this story, but because school has started I've gotta process myself to fit this story into a schedule. I'm terrible at that so don't count on it.


End file.
